Posted by: mmazzeo | November 21, 2009

Nets Buy First Win

Some call Nets Owner Mikhail Prokhorov lucky. I'd just call him rich.

After losing their 10th consecutive game to start the 2009-10 season, the New Jersey Nets elected to buy their first win.

Mikhail Prokhorov, the Russian billionaire who is very close to a deal to purchase majority ownership of the Nets franchise, paid the NBA $10 million for the victory – or what he spends on a posh party during a typical weekend.

“First we’ll buy wins,” Prokhorov said. “Eventually we’ll be able to buy championships, then the NBA. Just watch.”

Cleveland Cavaliers swingman LeBron James may be the offseason’s hot commodity, but Prokhorov isn’t interested in bidding for the budding superstar.

“What’s the point?” said Prokhorov. “We don’t need Lebron. In fact, we don’t need anyone. All you need as money. It buys everything… parties, girls, wins, championships and happiness.”

New Jersey, which was on the verge of becoming the first team in NBA history to go winless over the course of an 82-game season, will have significant cap space in the offseason.

However, according to Prokhorov, the team will instead elect to spend it on future wins.

“There’s no point in paying someone to play when I can just do everything myself,” Prokhorov said.
NBA Commissioner David Stern, who accepted the deal, is facing heavy criticism from the rest of the league for taking – what is considered by many – to be a bribe.

“Economic times are tough for everyone,” Stern said. “I’ll take what I can get, even if it means losing any of my league’s integrity. After all, we never really had any anyway.”



  1. there’s nothing i’d love more than getting to one of the russian guy’s parties. he prolly spends a couple million easily every time he throws one.

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