Posted by: The Matzo Ball | December 3, 2009

Eli Manning Admits To Leaving Signature, Phone Number On Wall of Dallas Cowboys Locker Room

“Look, I’m not trying to be a distraction in the locker room. I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m enough of a distraction on the field." - New York Giants Quarterback Eli Manning

There’s lots of hubbub going around in the Cowboys locker room. But unlike most stories, this one doesn’t occur in the home team’s locker room.

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning recently admitted to leaving his signature in the visiting locker room of the Dallas Cowboys $1.2 billion stadium, after the G-Men beat the Cowboys 33-31 back in September. He said that it wasn’t his idea, but a request of a locker room attendant.

But Manning did not just leave his signature on the wall; to the left of the writing, he also left a 10-digit number and a smiley face. As investigative reporters shortly found out, it wasn’t Manning’s, but none other than Cowboys running back Marion Barber’s.

Barber said that for whatever reason, this year he received several calls and text messages from random numbers, but only during pre-game, halftime and immediately after all Dallas home games.

“Marion gets all these texts sayin, ‘I hate the Shegulls, Cowgirls and Porkskins, but I was always secretly a Giants fan,’” Barber said. “ They said, ‘It doesn’t matter how injured or bad your team is, just remember that you’ll never be as bad as the Redskins and you sure as hell will never be as bad as the Cowboys are in December and in playoffs.’ Marion had no idea what this thing had be talking to.”

Manning addressed the questions concerning the phone number he left.

“Look, I’m not trying to be a distraction in the locker room,” Manning said. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m enough of a distraction on the field. “Of the past six games, only two times have I thrown for more than one touchdown in a game or had a passer rating of over 66.”

The Giants have lost five of their last six games. Their only win was a 34-31 overtime win against the Atlanta Falcons.

Barber said he was confused, not like he is on a daily basis, but “additionally extra special” confused that so many random people would contact him.

“I know dat nobodies like Marion, and outside of Tony [Romo] the Tiger, I don’t gots many friend, so I think, who would be callin’ Marion if they is not Marion’s friend?” Barber said. “You know what I’m sayin’?”

Manning for one, did not know what Barber was saying.

“It’s hard to understand Marion the Hair Barber when he speaks in third person,” Manning said. “Actually, it’s hard to understand him at all. I may not be as good looking, talented, intelligent, wise, generous, humorous or loved by Papa Archie [Manning] as much as big brother Peyton [Manning], but at least I can still communicate coherent sentences… unless I’m getting sacked… which happens quite often nowadays.”


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